I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
