I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
