She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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