im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh good, I think they're gone
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
thus making me awesome and them whores
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.