my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.