and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?