it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.