we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
