i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
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I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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