she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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