First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
