He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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