Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize