my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
