I can tuck mytits in my pants
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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