It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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