He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
