I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
