What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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