Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize