I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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