how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
