I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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