and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
