Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
