god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
