your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
