The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
