I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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