I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
