While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize