i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
