i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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