Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
