can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
