Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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