isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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