halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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