do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so let's talk penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
