Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i black out too much to be "responsible"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
