3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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