I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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