if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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