would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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