I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
