If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.