I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.