Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.