Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show

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(970): i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show http://tfl.nu/yysf

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

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(864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us. http://tfl.nu/xmtc

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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(612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

(407): View more from Florida

Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

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(321): Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk. (407): Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked. http://tfl.nu/656t

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(973): View more from New Jersey

when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

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(973): when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/c6uc

Replies (17) Good night (1612) Bad night (4631)
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(216): View more from Ohio

oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.

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(216): oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/udb9

Replies (28) Good night (839) Bad night (6216)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

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(508): It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym http://tfl.nu/opd7

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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(+44): i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down http://tfl.nu/7vyc

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(208): View more from Idaho

You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?

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(208): You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right? http://tfl.nu/dxzt

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco

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(414): ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco http://tfl.nu/xqa3

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(618): View more from Illinois

the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

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(618): the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!! http://tfl.nu/py94

Replies (3) Good night (1918) Bad night (679)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.

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(541): I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do. http://tfl.nu/nqe0

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(240): View more from Maryland

Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence

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(240): Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence http://tfl.nu/zd2a

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices

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(505): I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices http://tfl.nu/5rdl

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(727): View more from Florida

i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner

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(727): i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner http://tfl.nu/vzvw

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