I will die if light touches me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will be naked everywhere
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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