Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
