Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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