We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
