What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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