Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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