I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
