He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
being pregnant is like rehab
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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