Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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