ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
