I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
