I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
