ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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