Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
