You smell like stripper and shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize