Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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