Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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