They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
