I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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