It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just gift wrapped bread.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
