So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
