either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
