i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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