tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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