I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
