some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
