i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
